The End of the Innocence

(With apologies to Don Henley for stealing his song title to label this post)

When did you lose your innocence?  No, not that kind of innocence.  The kind where the magic of Christmas is so strong - so unquestionably permanent in your schema - that you can't imagine it ever going away?

I lost mine at sixteen.  I woke up early on Christmas morning and felt the usual thrill of holiday excitement that normally would have propelled me out of bed in the dark to see what Santa had left me.  Only, that year, I glanced at the clock.  And something shifted.  I realized, in an instant, that if the gifts were already down there, they'd still be there in another hour.  Or two.  And then I did what up until that moment in my life would have been unthinkable:  I rolled over, and went back to sleep on Christmas morning.

I've always described that morning as the day I "grew up".  I actually thought it was sort of cool that I could pinpoint one specific moment in my emotional development that signified maturity and self-control.

But it wasn't until the other night, on a different Christmas Eve, that I realized the truth: my father had died ten months before that morning, and that was the first Christmas without him.

My decision to stay in bed probably didn't have anything to do with facing reality:  it was actually all about avoiding it.

It seems obvious, as I type this, but it took me twenty-six years to make that connection.  So maybe I really did hold on to my innocence a lot longer than I've always believed.

Or maybe now, at least, I know where it went.

Finally! The Secret of the Sisterhood!

I'm a big fan of Ann Brashares' The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series.  I didn't think I would be, as the premise of four girls sharing one pair of jeans seemed a little bizarre to me, but once I picked up the series, I grew to love the characters. 

I did get over the idea of them sharing the pants, but I always wondered about their "you must never wash the pants" rule.  Even in the movie version, this rule was addressed with an "EWWW".  Today, Yahoo has provided me with their secret.  I share it with you now:

"Denim retailers from Levi's to Gap want you to stop washing your jeans after every wear. Ultimately, the more you wash, the more water you waste and the more your denim will fade. To benefit the planet and your wallet, freeze your jeans instead. By slipping your pants into a plastic bag and tossing them in the freezer for a night or two, you can kill odour causing bacteria, preserve your worn-in fit, and maintain the colour so that they'll look brand new way longer. Plus, you will end up doing laundry less frequently. Time for a bigger freezer."

From: http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/quick-tip-freeze-jeans-190000285.html

November is National Novel Writing Month!

...and while I don't expect any of us with "day jobs" will end up with final, polish works, the challenge of writing a set number of words every day could be just the motivator we need to hammer out a draft.  I thought about my first novel, Painting Caitlyn, for years.  But thinking didn't get it written.  The Random House contest for a first Young Adult novel did inspire me to write, because I had a set deadline.  I didn't win, but I ended up with a solid draft that only needed a bit of editing before Lobster Press picked it up. After that, I've written to contact deadlines (eg.  I submit an outline of what I think will happen in a book, sign the contract, and THEN write it.)  There's nothing like a little external pressure

And so, write away - after all, it's National Novel Writing Month!

Rick's Rant/Reasons to Read

The media were abuzz today with the most recent "rant" by Canadian Comedian/Political Commentator Rick Mercer's latest "rant" about bullying and teen suicide.   The specific case he referenced involved a teen who was depressed,  was bullied for being gay, and ultimately took his own life.

In the video, Mercer noted that it's not enough to tell kids that "it will get better", because teens need role models.

I agree.  And although I don't think there's any substitute for real, live role models, I think this is another example of a case where thoughtful, well-written young adult literature can be a powerful tool in making kids feel less lonely.  I often receive email from readers who say my novels make a difference in their lives, because readers see themselves in the characters.

And I'll say it again here now:  books had a huge impact on me, and on my own struggles during adolescence. 

Mercer challenged adults to step up as role models, saying : 

“If you’re gay and yu’re in public life, I’m sorry, you don’t have to run around with a Pride flag and bore the hell out of everyone, but you can’t be invisible. Not anymore. 300 kids is 300 too many,”

I'm not gay, so I can't be a role model from that perspective.

But as an author, I am out there in "public life".  And I have suffered from depression off and on throughout my childhood and adult years, and as an author who has struggled with depression, I'm standing up now and saying "Let me be your role model, because it DOES get better."  

I'm always trying to balance my author's persona with my teacher's persona, and in a small, small town, maybe I'm taking a big risk here by admitting to my struggles wtih depression.  But nobody judges me harshly when I tell them I survived Thyroid Cancer at age twenty-nine, so maybe if more parents and kids can see me thriving post cancer AND post depression, they will come to understood that depression -- like cancer -- is a treatable medical condition.  And maybe if I tell them that there are a lot of amazing books out there about kids just like them, they won't feel so alone.   And maybe by sharing my history I will help one person.  And that will be worth it.

If you think you might be depressed, know that IT'S NOT A WEAKNESS, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, and IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT MAKING YOURSELF CHEER UP.  Talk to someone you trust, or visit http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/teens/home/splash.aspx

Greg Loves Annie

One of the things people always ask me about writing is this:  "Where do you get your ideas?". 

All around me.

Not everything I see or do or hear about is going to end up being a part of my writing projects.  But lots of those things will trigger ideas that turn into something else.

Last summer, I became obsessed with Greg and Annie.

I don't know Greg and Annie they really are, but one of them began declaring their affections through grafitti.  The graffiti was VERY noticeable, because I live in a small, scenic town with far more retirees than grafitti artists - or vandals, depending on your point of view.

I missed a few at the beginning (like the one on the railway crossing sign), but over the year that they appeared, I took pictures of quite a few of these "declarations".  And in my mind, I began creating personalities for Greg and Annie.  Physical descriptions.  Background stories.  I won't describe my own imaginings, but will share the photos here, so that you, too, might write their story in your own mind.

Think Deeply!

Yesterday I blogged about the subjectivity of reading.  I'm still thinking about it.

Maybe part of that reflection had to do with the fact that I spoke to another teacher this week about summer school.  She said they'd read some amazing books, prescribed by the school board for summer school, but full of swearing that had been censored out of each book with thick black marker!  As if teen readers won't know what the blacked-out word is, won't hear it in their minds as their eyes float past it, and never, ever, encounter profanity in their daily lives.

Or maybe it is because I am now tucked away in Niagara-on-the-Lake for a three day workshop on Critical Literacy, which essentially boils down to thinking deeply about things before forming your own opinions.  Tonight, I share an example of why this is a super approach to life.

(Ahem).  WAAAYYY back in the beginning of June, the great Laurie Halse Anderson responded to a Wall Street Journal article that criticized Young Adult Fiction.  The title of the original article was:  * “Darkness Too Visible,” by Meghan Cox Gurdon. The subtitle is “Contemporary fiction for teens is rife with explicit abuse, violence and depravity. Why is this considered a good idea?”

I've read both the original article, and Laurie's response.  I encourage YOU to do the same.   If you haven't read yesterday's post yet, you might want to look at that one, too.  And then I encourage you to be "critically literate", think deeply, and form your own well-supported opinion.


  

Some Things Just Aren't Worth Arguing About...

Yes, Virginia, I do read the reviews of my books.  And no, they aren't all as favourable as the one I posted last week.  Very occasionally, I see a review that upsets me.  And then - much more than when I've had a good review - I find myself wishing I could engage in a "book talk" with the reviewer.  You know:   to explain to them what they didn't get.  To make them like it.

Then the rational part of me remembers that we all have different taste.  I only read two of the most popular vampire series ever.  Liked the first one, wasn't really into the second one, and decided to call it quits after that.  Was I missing out on subtleties and nuances that the author (or a fan) could explain to me, possibly helping me to see the series in a more positive light?  Maybe.  But probably not.

Sometimes, you're just not that into a book.  Maybe you never will be.  Or maybe you'll revisit it at another time in your life, and marvel at what you missed before.

This customer review from the Barnes and Noble website has been bugging me for a while:

"I love reading books about real life situations however this book barely even talks about being in an abusive relationship and the dangers of being in one like it says it is. It was more focused on her art and few family issues. If you want a book about abusive relationships I wouldn't read this one."

But last night I got this wonderful "fan letter" via email:

",,,[I] am a teen who has struggled with an abusive relationship rather similar to your novel Painting Caitlyn. I have read it numerous times and it has helped me in more ways than anyone who has tried. I have been thoroughly inspired and it has helped me to move on.... I wrote this to tell you that you have inspired me to stay strong and I wouldn't be where I am without reading your touching novels. I also want to thank you so much for writing them and just the opportunity to read your remarkable pieces of literature."

And even if I get a hundred of the negative comments, the positive ones like this always make me remember that the people who need the message will get it.