Getting Bitchy

Everyone knows February is the month of Valentines...but did you also know that it is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month?  

I have to confess:  I didn't.   But I've been thinking about the subject of dating violence a lot lately, for a variety of reasons.  Tonight, while reading the newspaper, I ran across two articles in different sections that reminded me of the need to keep spreading the message that DATING VIOLENCE IS NOT OKAY!

Celebrities Chris Brown and Rihanna are back in the news, apparently reunited (or at least acting as if there are, for publicity reasons) just a few years after he was charged with assaulting her.

What I found most interesting in the article?  This:

“We can never ignore the fact that many abused women actually love the men who hit them because the men who hit them don’t always hit them,” says DeKeseredy.

While there can be situational reasons for a woman’s return, adds Stosny, affection and guilt often play a greater role: “When you talk to the women who go back, they rarely will cite fear, finances or social pressures. They will just say that they still love him.”

One of the biggest criticisms of my book Painting Caitlyn is that some people think Caitlyn is stupid to stay with Tyler when he begins to display controlling and violent behaviour.  But domestic violence prevention organizations such as Sprucerun recognize that getting out - and staying out - is not just about practicalities for many women.  Whitney Houston was another example of someone who had trouble escaping her own violent situation:  her husband, Bobby Brown, was charged with domestic assault years before they divorced. 

Both Rihanna and Whitney Houston have/had the financial means to escape abusive relationships.  But clearly, they were lacking the necessary self esteem.

Here's another article  from tonight's newspaper, describing the trial of a man accused of stabbing his girlfriend through the stomach, forcing her to clean up the mess and have sex with him, and then leaving her alone to die.  They weren't teenagers, but this part struck me:  

"When the friend was about to call 911, Jamieson said he was on probation and supposed to stay away from Brunet, whom he had previously been convicted of punching in the mouth. He said: “Well I don’t need this kinda stuff . . .” and fled."

It wasn't the first time.

She may not have felt that she had the financial means to be alone.  She may have worried about social pressures.  She probably even loved him.  But the minute he assaulted her, she needed to leave.

If dating violence is affecting you, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.  There are lots of resources out there to help.  Start here.

Of course he (or she) has redeeming qualities.  You wouldn't even consider staying with him if he didn't.  But you have good qualities, too.   And you don't deserve to be mistreated.  Nobody does.

And yes, it might hurt emotionally more than it ever hurt physically.  There are chemical reasons for that - quitting love can be like quitting a drug.  And you'll feel like a bitch.

But if someone's treating you badly, maybe you need to get bitchy.

Some Things Just Aren't Worth Arguing About...

Yes, Virginia, I do read the reviews of my books.  And no, they aren't all as favourable as the one I posted last week.  Very occasionally, I see a review that upsets me.  And then - much more than when I've had a good review - I find myself wishing I could engage in a "book talk" with the reviewer.  You know:   to explain to them what they didn't get.  To make them like it.

Then the rational part of me remembers that we all have different taste.  I only read two of the most popular vampire series ever.  Liked the first one, wasn't really into the second one, and decided to call it quits after that.  Was I missing out on subtleties and nuances that the author (or a fan) could explain to me, possibly helping me to see the series in a more positive light?  Maybe.  But probably not.

Sometimes, you're just not that into a book.  Maybe you never will be.  Or maybe you'll revisit it at another time in your life, and marvel at what you missed before.

This customer review from the Barnes and Noble website has been bugging me for a while:

"I love reading books about real life situations however this book barely even talks about being in an abusive relationship and the dangers of being in one like it says it is. It was more focused on her art and few family issues. If you want a book about abusive relationships I wouldn't read this one."

But last night I got this wonderful "fan letter" via email:

",,,[I] am a teen who has struggled with an abusive relationship rather similar to your novel Painting Caitlyn. I have read it numerous times and it has helped me in more ways than anyone who has tried. I have been thoroughly inspired and it has helped me to move on.... I wrote this to tell you that you have inspired me to stay strong and I wouldn't be where I am without reading your touching novels. I also want to thank you so much for writing them and just the opportunity to read your remarkable pieces of literature."

And even if I get a hundred of the negative comments, the positive ones like this always make me remember that the people who need the message will get it.

Painting...Caitlyn....Cats...Book Trailers

Just when I start to feel more like a busy teacher than an author (writing a French musical version of Jack and the Beanstalk right now as a follow-up to our wildly successful Hansel and Gretel last year/preparing for the second part of our SEVEC French language exchange/actually trying to do my regular job) I got a very eloquent "fan letter" - en francais - for Chloe: un portrait. (The French language version of Painting Caitlyn). And then, I discovered this way-cool Painting Caitlyn book trailer which was created for an English class. And that stuff makes me remember that I am an author, too. How awesome is that? PS The Georgina Arts Centre and Gallery is having their Celebrity Art Challenge in June this year. Once again, they are looking for celebrities to paint small canvases that can be auctioned off. They are clearly a bit desperate 'cuz they keep asking me. Anyone out there reading this know someone with a more recognizable name who could do a painting for them???? The one I did for them last year was this, inspired by a friend's cat, named Luna:

Yippee!

1. Another excellent review for Maybe Never, Maybe Now. Page Turner's Blog calls it a "fantastic follow-up to Painting Caitlyn" and "a wonderful read".

2. My book trailer took third place in the October contest over at You Gotta Read Videos.

3. Tomorrow is Halloween at school! (but no costume yet...)

4. Here is the picture of me and my friends at our alumni dinner!

Caitlyn's finding her voice!

Even with the new books out, the old ones live on. Page Turner's Blog just reviewed Painting Caitlyn. I can hardly believe that it's been four years since it was first released, but am so thrilled that it continues to touch people. My favourite part of the review was this: "marvelous". I also love that the website is highliting domestic abuse for the entire month of October, and the reviewer went out of her way to highlight Ten Warning Signs of Abuse. Marvelous!

Tomorrow: The Beaverton Public Library, 4 p.m.

Friday: My former high school, Cameron Heights Collegiate, in Kitchener, ON.

Download a chapter for free! Yay!

Hi all - Maybe Never, Maybe Now and Definitely Not Camelot are out in less than two weeks! Yay!

Amazon is still listing their author as simply "Kimberly Peters", and therefore not cross-referencing with their award winning predecessors, Painting Caitlyn and Posing as Ashley. Boo!

Lobster Press is offering you the chance to download a free first chapter RIGHT NOW! Yay!

I'm still sick with a bad cold. Boo.

Maybe Never Maybe Now got some good reviews! Yay!

I just found out my website had a bad link, and wasn't directing everyone to all of my books. Boo.

It's fixed now. Yay!

Sometimes, I get it right

My cousin Amanda posted this beautiful photo essay the other day on her blog, pondering how one knows when one is a good parent, and concluding, through her daughter's actions, that she must be doing something right.

I've often considered the same question in different contexts: how do I know whther or not I'm a good writer? For me, it's not about the number of books I sell, the awards I win, or even the great reviews. The real proof, for me, is in hearing about the positive impact my writing has had on readers. I've heard from girls who found the strength to end abusive relationships after reading Painting Caitlyn . I've heard from grown women who say they sobbed all the way through, because they recognized so much of their own history in the novel. Once, I even heard from a boy who had purchased the book for his sister, because he feared for her safety. Those are the stories that tell me I've touched someone's life. That's what tells me I've done a good job.

And today, I had one of those teacher moments (or maybe, it was a human being moment?). A student I once taught knocked unexpectedly on my door. She's almost seventeen now, and, through family circumstances that were completely beyond her control, living on her own. This kid - because yes, from where I sit, she is still a kid - has been through more personal tragedy and betrayal than anyone should ever experience, at any age. Enough *crap* to send any adult over the edge. I don't know if I can say she's thriving, but she's coping. She's still in school. She's drug-free. She's volunteering. And she's hoping to go to university. She's on her way to thriving.

And she stopped by to thank me for what seemed to me to be some very small things I contributed to her life. The thing is, to her, they weren't small. They mattered. They made a difference in her life. And she makes a difference in the world. Imagine the difference I can make now by putting in a conscious, consistent effort!

Titles

Okay - I admit it. I go one step beyond Googling myself. I get Google alerts to tell me when someone has mentioned one of my books (or a found cat....)on the internet. Mostly, it's vanity, to see where I show up. Officially, though, it's so I don't miss out on a favorable review.

Last week Painting Caitlyn was mentioned in a blog

The author was discussing titles, and what a turn-off bad ones can be, and said:

For example, I was looking on Amazon the other day and came across a young adult book titled, Painting Caitlyn. Did I want to click on this book and read more about it? Absolutely not. I don't want to paint Caitlyn or even learn how to.

Although her opening question "How do authors come up with titles" was probably rhetorical, I couldn't resist replying. Click on the links to see thread.

The covers are coming! The covers are coming!

I am delighted to share with you the covers for my forthcoming (and hopefully long awaited?) books, Definitely Not Camelot (sequel to Posing as Ashley), and Maybe Never, Maybe Now (sequel to Painting Caitlyn). Huge thanks to the goddess Tammy Desnoyers at Lobster Press for these gorgeous covers!

Autograph worthy?

We had an author at school the other day. He arrived during what is normally the grade 4/5 French period, so I had to take the students down to the gymnasium, and as we were about to line up, they all started grabbing pieces of paper out of the scrap bin. "Why are you bringing paper to the gym?" I asked. "We want his autograph," they told me. "Because he's an author." I had to laugh, because to them, I'm their French teacher, which makes me so not autograph worthy...and yet, the very next day, I was off to Maxwell Heights Secondary School in Oshawa to be (tah dah!) their guest author.

It was a great audience, including members of their "Girl's Group" and "Creativity Club". They asked good questions about writing and inspiration. And many of them hung around after for autographed bookmarks. (No scrap paper for my fans!) As always, I was touched and humbled to hear from so many readers who said that weren't in the habit of picking up novels, but who, after picking up Painting Caitlyn, said they couldn't put it down until they'd finished. But the story that touched me the most was this: one girl said she'd loved the book, and taken it home to her mother, who was now reading with her. After the students had left, her teacher told me that this is a girl who has rarely had any sustained interactions with her mother - let alone positive ones. But they have connected through this story. That's the transformative power of books. The autographed bookmark might not last - but I hope she has the good memories of this time with her mother forever.

Still writing books, still blogging in my head...

I know, I know. It doesn't count if you can't read it onscreen. Kind of like that proverbial tree falling in the forest. But then again, I have no followers (sigh) so maybe it's okay that I only blog regularly in my brain?

In case anyone cares, here comes another supersized blog to make up for...umm...the lack of November postings.

1. I'm still looking for Oliver-Henry! Some people have hinted that they think I should give up, because he has been gone for almost four months. But I keep watching all the classified ads for the area in which he got lost, and people are STILL posting ads like this: "Found cat needs a home. A cat has been living under my deck since May but I can't keep it because I already have a cat and they don't get along. I would like to find a home for it now that the weather is getting colder." Oliver-Henry was a barn cat before I started spoiling him, and he has good survival instincts. And, as the great Dr. Seuss said in McElligot's Pool: "if such a thing could be it certainly would be." And that's why I think that I'm not such a fool, as I sit and I surf on my internet tool(bar).

2. Meanwhile, I continue to dream about him, every night. I had a really weird thing happen last week, though, where in the middle of the dream, I stopped and said to myself: "Wait a minute. Every night I dream that I found him, and every morning I wake up and it's not true. So am I actually dreaming this?" Sadly (or interestingly?) My dreaming self convinced my dreaming self that I actually WAS awake. But I wasn't. Does that make any sense????


3. Professionally, I am working on revisions of book number four, Maybe Never, Maybe Now. It's the sequel to Painting Caitlyn. It took me a long time to get started on it, because I am not, in general, a lover of sequels. (Confession: although I adored the originals, I couldn't finish Love, Stargirl, and I haven't made it past New Moon). I know that it unusual, but I grew up on Judy Blume and Lois Lowry's stand-alone novels, and sometimes revisiting a character I loved is a little bit like running into the guys I adored in high school now that we're forty: many of them are pudgy and wrinkly and not nearly as interesting as they used to seem, which taints the original memories a little bit.

Anyway, I felt very protective of "Caitlyn," and thus found it really difficult to begin writing about her again. I am THRILLED to say, however, that once I invited her back, she had a lot to share, and I think I managed to stay true to her in every way. My editor seems to agree, as I have (happily) not been asked to do any major re-writing - it's mostly just shortening sentences here and there. (Which, as you can see fromt he above, tends to be an issue for me!).

So here's the other cool thing about it: Maybe Never, Maybe Now will be out in the fall, along with Definitely Not Camelot, which is the sequel to Posing as Ashley. Ashley narrates DNC, and Caitlyn narrates MNMN, and each book has it's own plot, and can stand alone without the other - but the two books take place during the same time period, with the characters in different locations, each telling about what's happened to them. It's kind of like a she said/she said thing, with the stories intersecting here and there as the girls communicate with each other via telephone and email. More to follow on this as I am allowed to share.

4. I saw the movie Amelia a little while ago, and I have to say I was disappointed in the way they portrayed the main character. I get that they wanted to show Amelia Earhart's independence and rebellion against societal expectations by showing her refusal to either be loyal or demand loyalty in her marriage, but it really just ended up making her husband look like a long-suffering good guy. The truth is, HE was married when they got together, and they totally avoided mentioning that. Apparently, women who sleep around are still newsworthy, but boys will be boys. Sheesh.

5. Moonlight, Lace and Mayhem has revamped their blog. The guest blog I did for them in August on Nine Ways Writing YA Mirrors my Adolescence can now be found here. (And yes, it was a HUGE thrill to be in the virtual company of authors like Susan Beth Pfeffer, who I read when I actually was an adolescent, along with Jay Asher and Sara Zarr, who are, like, the A to Z of great YA right now!!!!

Self-Censorship and YA Literature

Originally Posted on LiveJournal Feb. 26th, 2009 at 9:43 PM

Okay, so it's been WEEKS since I decided to do this thing called blogging, and then panicked, and never came back. Why? Censorship, mostly. Self censorship. (Which, I guess, is better than self-centeredness, but I digress). I was worried about confusing Americans with spellings like "colour" and "neighbour"...then someone commented that most Americans would know I wasn't an idiot (I'm paraphrasing), because if they have half a brain, they'd recognize it as legitimate spellings...which made me worry that I'd offended Americans by suggesting they weren't sophisticated enough to pick up on the cultural variation. I also worry about revealing too much of my private self (because once I start wrtiing, I just can't stop!) and accidentally saying something about my students that will get me fired (because teaching is my day job - hi kids!!!!). Hence, I haven't done a thing here. Today, though, I got the nudge I needed, in the form of an email and conversation with our school librarian. The email was all about CENSORSHIP.
School Library Journal recently ran an article about librarians, and how they often act as their own censors when choosing material they deem appropriate for children and young adults. You can read the article here if you are interested, but it was the last two paragraphs that really struck me: “Librarians need to remember that it’s not their job to impose their own ideologies on the kids they serve or to parent or protect them, Scales says. And even though schools are required to act in loco parentis—Latin for ‘in place of parent’—the doctrine only applies to school librarians when it comes to the safety and health of their students, not when it comes to censorship, she adds.'You won’t ever make a difference if you don’t step out of the box,” she says. “And we can make a difference to children. Who knows? That very book that you thought was inappropriate may be the one that turns a child in the direction that he needs to be going or that gives a child quiet hope about a situation.’”
Ironically, it was our school librarian who first alerted me to the article. Less than twenty-four hours later, however, he mentioned to me that he has $4000 to spend on new books for our school library, Kindergarten through grade eight. I got excited, because I’d just loaned him two of my current YA favourites – Sweethearts, by Sara Zarr, and Twisted, by Laurie Halse Anderson. “You’re going to get Sweethearts and Twisted, right?” I asked, breathless with anticipation of cool book talks with fiction-loving grade eight students. “I don’t know…” he said. “They aren’t as good as your book…” (I think he’s wrong, but yay) “…and anyway, the older kids don’t read, so I don’t want to spend the money there.” HELLOOO???? What’s wrong with this picture??? Everything, everything, we know about literacy says kids need engaging material. My books (Painting Caitlyn and Posing as Ashley) are never on the shelf in our school library– they are ALWAYS signed out. I know a lot of that is just because I am their French teacher, and it is waaaay cool to read the words “breast” and “sex” when – OMG – your teacher wrote it!!! But YALSA also chose Painting Caitlyn as a Quick Pick for Reluctant Young Adult Readers, so I like to believe that the books have some merit on their own, apart from the students’ personal connections to the author. The fact that they are always signed out proves that by putting quality material, chosen by teen advisory groups, in the library, we can make them readers . Our librarian doesn’t want to spend money on the older kids because they don’t read….but what are they supposed to read if we don’t spend money on them? And why doesn’t our librarian see that giving up on YA readers is one of the most insidious forms of censorship there is?