On Friendship

I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Partly, I think, because of my recent visit to my former high school, and reunion with some university pals. Then, someone posted a comment about my books saying that they love books about friendship. And when I was doing the TRT Book Club interview, and thinking about how we all write about certain themes, I realized that friendship is one of my themes.

You know how some people spend their whole lives looking for that one perfect romantic partner, because they've read all the romances and seen all the movies about how it's supposed to be? And then the real people - the ones who burp and have messy hair and leave their dirty socks lying around - never seem to measure up to the Handsome Prince on a white horse that Person Number One imagined in their dreams?

I think I've spent a lot of my life suffering from that same kind of delusion - only instead of looking for the Handsome Prince/Romance, I've spent a lot of time in search of The BFF (Best Friend Forever).

Don't get me wrong: I have some amazing friends. Amazing. People who let me cry all over them for months on end when I needed to. People who let me call them out of the blue when they haven't heard from me in months, and are totally there for me anyway. People who have celebrated birthdays with me since we were nine years old. People who honoured me first by choosing me as a maid of honour, and then again by letting me do it a second time when their first marriage didn't "take". People who make me laugh and make me smarter and make me feel good about myself.

But just as happens with romances, I've had my "break-ups", too. Sometimes it's circumstantial, but other times, there has been no explanation, and they have simply disappeared, leaving me with that "it's not you, it's me..." feelling that always makes you think it really is you.

Which it may be. Because maybe I've got my own "intimacy issues". While part of me thinks I want that BFF who will there for me every day -- and who will want me to be there for her - another part of me - a part that I think is more authentically me - doesn't always want that kind of pressure. (I know, I know - if it's true friendship, it shouldn't feel like pressure, right?)

I love having time to myself! I get crabby when it doesn't happen. Ask my husband. Or my sister. Or my mom. Or anyone who has ever spent more than six hours straight with me. Even if we're doing something "fun".

Apparently, it started early. My mom tells me that even when I was very young, my sister would play and play and play with other children, while I would hang out for a bit, then quietly remove myself, go into my room, and just be.

I'm still like that. I enjoy hanging out with other people. I adore good conversation. But I need time alone too much to give all I have to any one "best" friend.

Instead, I have many, have had many, and hope to have many yet to come.

And in the meantime, I'll keep writing about friendship. And maybe I'll learn something about it along the way.

Yippee!

1. Another excellent review for Maybe Never, Maybe Now. Page Turner's Blog calls it a "fantastic follow-up to Painting Caitlyn" and "a wonderful read".

2. My book trailer took third place in the October contest over at You Gotta Read Videos.

3. Tomorrow is Halloween at school! (but no costume yet...)

4. Here is the picture of me and my friends at our alumni dinner!

Back to the Future!

Okay - so as promised, more info on the high school/university visits the other day!

On Friday, I went back to Cameron Heights Collegiate Institute. It's the high school I attended, and I haven't been back since I graduated in 1988. I went to play "alumni author", read to the group of girls who gave up their lunch hour to come meet me, and then chatted up the Writer's Craft class in the exact classroom that was my first homeroom. SO FUN! Back when I was taking Writer's Craft, we were promised an extra 3% on our grades if we could get published - in any form - during the year. I wrote a letter to the editor of the local paper complaining about some really rude, denigrating jokes about women and was THRILLED when I got my name in print. Not, as it turned out, because of the 3%, which didn't really excite me all that much, but because someone thought something I'd written was worth putting in print. (You have to bear with me and understand that this was WAAAY before the internet, blogging opportunities, etc. People had to actually pick up pens to write things, and you were really "high-tech" if you had an electric typewriter).

Anyway, it seems that not a lot has changed, physically, in that building. Some pics:

A mural that was painted (not by me) during my time there, and remains today:

One of these lockers is the last one I ever had. Still know what the combination was, and remember clearly that Mike Raletic's locker was on my right, and Christa Ptatschek's locker was on my left, but couldn't pick the actual locker out of the line-up (sniff!):

A locker decorated for someone's birthday, just as we used to do, and described in my book Painting Caitlyn:

After the high school visit, I headed over to the University of Waterloo for the 50th anniversary of it's Faculty of Arts, where I sat with some of the smartest women I know. My friend Wendi, Executive Director of the Foodbank of Waterloo Region. Theresa (my first roomate!) works for Kraft Foods, and is partially responsible for hilarity like this bit on chocolate. And the ever effervescent Sandy is now perfectly positioned as a Twitter goddess (@sassygirlcanada) and communications expert for Research In Motion (yes, the Blackberry people). I don't see them often. But when I do, it's super fun. And since this was an alumni event, we were younger than almost everyone else, easily making us still the hottest girls in the place! (will post pics of us when I get copies of the ones the photographer took).

Finally, here's what the high school and the university had in common:

THEY BOTH GAVE ME FANCY CHOCOLATE!!!

Around the world in Five Short Days...(at least, that's what it felt like)

Last week was crazy. I keep saying I have to cut that out, 'cuz it's my own fault if I'm busy, but it was FUN crazy. I'll try to make the basic explanation quick (but you know I love to type)...

Monday: Art History night at the Georgina Arts Centre and Gallery with my friend Joanne.
Tuesday: Agility Class at Paus n' Train with my dog. Here is a brief video showing how much he loves it:





Wednesday: At school until 6 p.m. getting ready for two days of supply teachers.
Thursday: Teaching other teachers at the Board Office until 3 p.m., then back to the Beaverton Public Library for an author appearance at 4 p.m., followed by a meeting with parents about a school trip at 7 p.m., and a trip to Kitchener at 9 p.m.
Friday: Two author type thing-ys at Cameron Heights Collegiate Institute (the high school I attended!) followed by dinner with longtime university pals Wendi, Theresa and Sandy at the University of Waterloo's Faculty of Arts 50th Anniversary Event .

More on the high school/university flashbacks (with pics) tomorrow.